Be Patient

Tags

empathy, feeling, genuine, intention, Life Experiences, patience, patient, suffering, trigger

“Be patient” is perhaps the most triggering two words I have heard lately.

They are coming from everywhere. It started to feel like a new pandemic.

Telling a suffering person to be patient is probably one of the worst things one could possibly say.

Just hearing those two words became triggering and my first instinct is to be defensive as they were dismissive of my feelings and suffering.

But one thing changed.

A more compassionate and loving being said the same thing, “be patient”.

For some reason, it felt different.

The compassion, love, and genuine care could be felt.

I realised that it is genuinely about the intention behind it.

The intention was so pure this time that I felt acknowledged and seen.

Have you ever experienced this as well?

My Safe Space

Tags

healing, Life Experiences, psychology, reflections, safe space, trauma

I walked into this room the first time,

and I was on my guard.

“Bunch of strangers”, I thought.

They truly were.

But the more I got to know them,

the more familiar they became.

They were speaking my language!

Slowly, without even realising,

my muscles started to relax,

my jaws started to untighten,

my memories started to resurface,

my tears started to run down my cheeks.

It hit me today… I feel safe.

It sounds counter-intuitive in my head,

but for the first time ever,

I can finally crash and have that ugly cry.

I feel safe.

They wrapped me in a warm embrace without touching me,

listened to me talk endlessly,

and showed me their love freely.

These strangers became my safe space.

Am I more of a Humanist than a Feminist?

Tags

discrimination, feminism, feminist, humanism, humanist, racism, reflections, sexism, wellbeing, women

I’ve been thinking about it for years. Am I more of a humanist than a feminist?

There is so much resistance to feminism. We speak of different waves of feminism and of different types of feminism. The more I tried to justify and define the feminism I stand for, the more corrupted the arguments I was hearing back.

People are clearly wounded. Women, men, and everyone in-between. Many men complain about radical feminists or feminists in general, many women use feminism as a weapon and many people on the spectrum of gender and sex feel left out.

I always stand for the well-being of everyone across-board. I want to see human beings thrive. I’ve made it my life purpose to bring my contribution to the well-being of the people and the planet. This is beyond the binary world we currently live in.

Has feminism become as corrupted as religion?

In that sense, I am more of a humanist. However, women are still discriminated against (in their career, education, home environment, etc), honour killing is still a practice, rape is still justified, female genital mutilation is still a practice, gender-based violence is still widely spread, so much shame and bullying are still widespread and affecting the lives of women around the world, and so on. The list is long.

As a human being, a soul living in a female body, I cannot stay silent against the atrocities against the female body and wellbeing. If I’ve lived a privileged life, today may be a stranger going through one of these many problems. But tomorrow it can be me. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been silenced or bullied for speaking up for my well-being or for simply thinking that speaking up as a fellow human being having the right to have a say in a room full of men. The statistics out there regarding any form of violence against women is beyond heart-wrenching.

Yes, men and other fellow human beings do go through various forms of discrimination too, honour killing, rape, shaming, domestic violence and no one. From this perspective, I’m more of a humanist. I believe that every single person on earth is worth being safe, seen, loved and heard.

In short, I am forging myself to be a human being capable of distinguishing right from wrong irrespective of the gender, “race”, colour, sexual orientation or creed of a person.

Permission to Crash

Tags

crash, emotions, permission, physical pain, safe space, thoughts, validation

Seeking…

Permission to finally have that ugly cry
To sob my heart out
To let all my thoughts run through my mind, good and bad, with no judgement

Permission to just be
To sit with my thoughts, emotions and physical pain

Permission to crash
To finally let go and fall apart

Permission to melt
To no longer have to be contained
To melt like ice and become formless

Looking for my safe space.

Until then, I’ll be contained, standing, with my mind full of rushing thoughts, my heart full of emotions and my body aching all over the place.

Suck It Up and Stay Quiet

Tags

denial, habits, invalidate, silenced, stay quiet, trauma, trigger, uncomfortable conversation

The older I am and the more experiences I’m gathering, I started to notice how many interactions are actually subtly aggressive or passive aggressive in every day conversations.
We have normalised telling others “suck it up and stay quiet” as soon as we feel uncomfortable by someone else.
Worse. This has been done to us so often that we started doing this to others as well as a form of habit.
But how would be feel like or be like if we didn’t have to “suck it up and be quiet”?
What if we started inviting uncomfortable conversations as a way of healing deep wounds? Often, deep generational wounds.
We’ve normalised invalidating everyone’s feelings, including our own, especially when they are tagged as bad emotions. This is causing undeniable pain which is often suppressed until it explodes out of nowhere when triggered again.

I am an asshole

Tags

accountability, accountable, asshole, better world, human, Life Experiences, reframing, self accountability

I say that way too often. I think I lowkey started to love being the bad guy.

But let me reframe that.

I like holding people accountable.

Let’s be honest, it makes them super uncomfortable.

The world is so chaotic and if everyone were truly accountable to their own words and actions, I believe the world would be a better place.

Do you hold yourself accountable?

I do. As much as I humanly can.

I think it’s foolish to believe…

Tags

belief, foolish, growth, learning, lessons, life, Life Experiences

This is a non-exhaustive list of things I think is foolish to believe:

I think it’s foolish to believe that you’ll never be frustrated in a workplace even if you love the job that you are doing.

I think it’s foolish to believe that your colleagues are your best friends (wait till a challenging situation comes up).

I think it’s foolish to believe that a romantic relationship is all roses and stars.

I think it’s foolish to believe you are immune to any kind of manipulation (no matter how strong you believe you are).

I think it’s foolish to believe that everyone who are in your life right now will always be present in your life (life happens and some people only belong to a chapter or two.)

I think it’s foolish to believe we can’t get better when going for therapy.

I think it’s foolish to believe that the world will be fair towards you just because you are fair towards the world.

I think it’s foolish to believe that we are all love and light (no matter how spiritual you think you are and how much you invested time in purification).

I think it’s foolish to believe that we always have all information needed to take a decision at any given moment.

What else would you add to the list?

I had several wake up calls recently which inspired this post.

My masculine energy flowing through my female body

Tags

energy, female, feminine, identity, Life Experiences, love, male, masculine, relationship

I have more masculine energy flowing through my body.
But I never once questioned whether or not I was a girl.
I am definitely a girl.
The dominant masculine energy always felt natural to me but all I could hear was:
“You’re such a tomboy”
“Be more girly”
Do this, do that…
“You won’t be happy in your marriage”
“Who would want you?”
“You’ll change once you start dating”
Well… No.
I just happened to be attracted to men with more feminine energy.
See, we all have both energies but to different degrees.
I decided to stop fuelling the inner war inside of me.
I’m authentically myself when I am expressing my dominant masculine energy and embracing my more fluid feminine energy.
Does this make me any less of a woman?
Hell no.
I just made peace with the energies flowing through my body.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about masculine and feminine energies. Both energies live within us. The goal by the end of the day is to reach a “perfect” balance between the two, whether or not we choose to reach that goal within ourselves or within our partnership(s) in this lifetime.

In Hinduism, the divine union is depicted by ShivaShakti. The perfect balance for oneness and enlightenment.

Lost and Found

Tags

Envy, experiments, Found, gut feeling, Life Experiences, Lost, true self

I lost myself in trying to copy another.
I thought I needed to do exactly like her to be happy and productive.
But I wasn’t enjoying the things she was enjoying.
I was nothing like her.
I just wanted what she had.
That end result;
That light she was radiating.
So I experimented;
I dropped in;
I dug;
I just started doing.
And I found myself in truly following my own gut feeling.

Anger: A Poem

Tags

anger, emotion, negative emotion, Perception, Personal Growth, poem, Poetry, power, reflections, truth

Anger, mother anger.

You fire me up with your vibrant red and yellow flames.

You destroy and create.

When did we start dismissing your power?

Your fire fuels my willpower.

The will to move, to take action and to honour my deepest truth.

Since we tagged you as bad, our perception of you got skewed.

You neither need to explode nor implode.

Your flames channelled right has the power to materialise our deepest desires.

Mother anger,

You make me dance.

Your intensity propels me forward.

In honouring you, you’ve been my most faithful guide.

Mother anger,

You know how to set your boundaries,

Make yourself be heard,

And assert your presence.

Mother anger,

In honouring you, I’ve found my deepest truth.