The Man Who Cannot Cry

Tags

, , , , , , ,

How interesting it is that a man can be so scared of tears.
Of others,
But mostly his own
He found his way to completely suppress his tears
His tear tracks are in drought.
He doesn’t know tears anymore;
Scared to witness it on others.
What if his own tears come back again?
“No, no, no. No way.
Not me.”, as if I could hear his thoughts out loud.
He doesn’t want to feel all those negative emotions.
So he blocked them all.
He blocked all his emotions.
He couldn’t even express love anymore.
“I am not weak”, he tried to convince himself.
“Shit, she loves me. But I don’t know how to feel anything back.”
“But I am a man. Men don’t cry.”
So he lives his life being “man”.
He cannot even cry even if he tries to.
But why is it that his love is related to his tears?
I wonder.
He’s a man who cannot cry.

I feel extremely uncomfortable

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I feel extremely uncomfortable.

I feel extremely uncomfortable and everybody wants me to give up.
But this discomfort ironically makes me content
I just need to shut off the noise around me
Deep down, I know what I am doing has a bigger purpose
I can’t see the end of the tunnel just yet, but I intuitively know I am on my way there
I feel extremely uncomfortable
I am being stretched, forced to find and build new skills and courage
I am being stretched, kicking me into a new chapter of character building and personal growth
I feel extremely uncomfortable
I don’t know the new person I am becoming,
I am trying to figure her out everyday
I feel extremely uncomfortable
I have decided to just accept the discomfort and the magic of not knowing
As this new chapter unfolds, I am extremely uncomfortable, stretched and tested
But I know that I will get out of this dark tunnel as an evolved being

My Source of Happiness turned into my Source of Misery

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I have been introspecting a lot about happiness lately. One of the main reason being that I am unable to shake off the unhappiness that I am feeling out of my system.

While introspecting today, I realised that the thing that I was doing that felt fulfilling to me and was my source of happiness (both intrinsic and extrinsic) is being of service to others. I have done a lot of volunteering and worked in the social sector for several years. I followed my heart when I did it. But I came to a point where I was constantly in toxic environments, I constantly felt like I didn’t belong to these places, I was taken for granted a lot, I was constantly judged for everything that I am, among other things. I am not trying to victimise here. But I hope you get the picture. Service to others was my source of happiness. Until I completely burnt myself out in the service to others and put myself last. My source of happiness became my source of misery. That’s not the way things should be and I learned the hard way.

It got to the point where I had to completely remove myself from any kind of formal service to others in order to save myself.

Another thing that really got to me was when people refused to pay me for my services, because in there head Urvashi = free services/cheap.

When I understood how the dynamics changed, I had to remove myself from the equation. Unfortunately, Mauritius is small and everywhere I look, I know someone who may potentially still refer to the Urvashi I used to be. So, during this period, I have to be even more firm about my convictions and goals. It certainly isn’t an easy period.

This is also why it is important to have multiple sources of happiness. Unfortunately, I may have sacrificed most of them in the service to others.

But now that I do better, let me do better!

I am currently on a journey of finding new sources of lasting happiness. Until then, I am allowing myself to be. Messy but staying true to who I am.

My Experience with the Mauritian Education System

Tags

, , , , , ,

The more I dive into what the world really needs, the less impressed I am by the Mauritian Education System.

I was part of this system and I feel how disadvantaged I was and how many years I’ve wasted or could have used differently.

I am in no way comparing our education system with other countries’ here or dismissing the efforts of so many educators who are trying to make a difference. Because although the system is messed up, there are also some pretty nice things coming out of it.

Ways the Mauritian Education system is failing us:

  • Little emphasis on how to apply theory into practice.
  • Too academic and competition oriented. In the real world, collaboration is key! Healthy (not deadly) competition is essential.
  • Inability to teach us that we form part of Africa, except for the link we have with our ancestors, slavery and geographical belonging to the continent.
  • Creativity isn’t encouraged as much. If you are a parrot, you would probably be adored. I have never been a good parrot, and one of the things I regret the most is letting my creativity die (I was a dancer), for the sake of going for endless tuitions to get “good grades”.
  • Over dependency on private tuitions. Since when not taking private tuitions = no success???
  • Extracurricular activities are limited or only reserved for a few. So, skills outside of academia isn’t really encouraged.
  • No studies on political sciences. (Well, we know why! The big bosses don’t like to be questioned or challenged.)
  • Girls are expected to hate sports. Which is shocking! Gender differences are very real.
  • Very few educators actually encourage students to take part in sports and other competitions (intra and inter – schools).
  • Educators are not trained to understand and accompany children and adolescents through their most crucial years of growth. Coming to think about it, educators probably see your kids more than you do at home.
  • Little emphasis on critical and analytical thinking.
  • Little emphasis to no emphasis on values and emotional intelligence, and the need to cultivate empathy and compassion.
  • The inability to instill the culture of having healthy fun! and to stop and celebrate for small wins.

Although I have seen a transition between my time in secondary school and now, I still think we have a very long way to go.

There are many more. Those are few of the experiences I can recall and I have recently observed while working with secondary schools. What else would you add? And what do you think can be done for a better future?

Be Still and Listen

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

The challenge is to be still.

The answers to my own hard questions were were never truly found until I was in a state of stillness and non-judgement. It is the mind space in which you can finally listen deeply to yourself, to your inner voice. This is when your intuition can be heard. This is when your tap into your inner knowing and finally be able to tap into a higher form of intelligence and wisdom. This is where the divine guidance can be heard.

Be still and listen.

Broken

Tags

, , , , , ,

I didn’t know how broken I was until I saw my reflection in your eyes

The way you looked at me with those shining brown eyes

I knew I was trying to be strong for too long

I kneeled and rested my weapons

I cried and you just stood there, speechless and comforted me with your loving presence

I never knew how broken I was until you told me to shed all the luggage I was carrying on my shoulders that did not belong to me

But my brokenness also scared you away

The war I was fighting inside of me was too intense and made you a warrior unprepared for war

I am now making peace instead of war inside of me,

hoping to heal as I put my hands on my heart and wishing for more clarity

How meaningful conversations changed my life

Tags

, , , , , ,

Let’s be honest, having deep meaningful conversations depends on deeper levels of vulnerability. And it’s okay if you can’t always open up. But like Brene Brown (one of my favourite authors and researcher out there) said: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.”

Well, I’m pretty sure I can bombard you with her quotes. She’s probably one of the most quotable person out there! But read her quote above again. Think for a moment. Do we truly have complete control on all outcomes? Certainly not. There will always be some risks of taking not so great decisions, or perhaps experience not so great circumstances. Deep meaningful conversations demand a higher level of vulnerability. Because they are conversations that come from the soul and speak to the soul. They are connected to our core beliefs, perceptions, and lived experiences. It’s not always easy to voice out. We often fear being judged or seek constant approval from the people around us. We are all guilty of doing those in one way or another.

I thought for a long moment about all the meaningful conversations I had with people close to me or random strangers that crossed by path for only one moment or for a short period of time. Here is a list of things that they allowed me to ponder about, which resulted in me perceiving life differently and ultimately helped me change certain aspects of my life:

  • I met this French man during an event and we started talking about self care. He used the metaphor of brushing our teeth to explain self care and its importance to engage in it every day. His catch phrase was: “Remember to brush your teeth” 😉
  • Many people reminded me that I shouldn’t be afraid to start over again;
  • To not be afraid to change fields;
  • That it’s just a matter of time for you to see the bigger picture of your life;
  • That it’s important to have multiple sources of income;
  • Discovered how someone living with intellectual disability experience love and sexuality;
  • How a woman overcame being raped;
  • How some people experienced their addiction;
  • How some people don’t actually know how to love;
  • How a man’s performance anxiety ruined his ability to express himself openly in his relationship;
  • How someone with chronic illnesses still manage to live a relatively normal life;
  • How it was like being raised by someone who worked in the military during World War II;
  • How people view and experience different types of relationships (romantic or otherwise);
  • How different people grieve and experience the death of close ones;
  • How a woman could barely managed to live normally when she was menstruating;
  • How hitting rock bottom allowed someone to discover her true self.

All these conversations are important and they help us grow. This is just a short list. I was blessed to have been able to have so many meaningful conversations with so many people from different walks of life in my own short walk through life. Here’s to many more conversations that allow more growth!

Studying Human Behaviour

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Did you ever sit down and think about how human behaviour is fascinating and complex?

It has always been something that fascinates me. I am amazed by all the little things that we do. But I admit that I get enraged sometimes too.

The way we talk, walk, reflect, perceive, react, express, cope, celebrate, grieve, consume,… everything seems fascinating to me.

There are a few fields of studies that investigate and try to understand human behaviour. Those are mostly regrouped under the umbrella field of humanities and social sciences. That field includes psychology, sociology, economics, and anthropology. It can also include languages, history, geography, political science, fashion studies, and liberal arts. All of those field of study look at human behaviour on different levels. To think about it, we may even include medicine.

It’s a shame that there are often clashes between people in these different fields, when truly the best way to look at human behaviour is to sit down with experts in all those fields. Human beings are beautifully complex and we cannot isolate aspects of ourselves when we are truly whole.

The best way to understand ourselves is to truly look at ourselves from a holistic perspective.

Expand Your Worldview

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Once in a while, go to places you’ve never been before, go to conferences outside of your field, listen to talks on topics you’ve never heard before, curiously google something you randomly heard about, randomly book a session of something that spiked your interest without overthinking it,…

Do it. Just do it. It will help you expand your worldview.

By definition, a worldview or world-view is the fundamental cognitive orientation of an individual or society encompassing the whole of the individual’s or society’s knowledge and point of view. A worldview can include natural philosophy; fundamental, existential, and normative postulates; or themes, values, emotions, and ethics. (source: Wikipedia)

To simplify, your worldview is the filter through which you see the world within (your inner self) and without (the world around you).

Those new knowledge and experiences acquired will stretch your mind to think beyond that you are accustomed to in your daily life. You will grow into a more rounded person.

JUST DO IT!

Happy stretching of the mind and expansion of your worldview!