Go to interviews even if you don’t want the job

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

I don’t know about you, but if I can afford to do it, I actually like to go to interviews even when I don’t want the job. In today’s world, it’s a real luxury to be called in for an interview.

Here are some of the reasons why I think you should try it too:

  1. It helps you evaluate your current market value

Find out how much companies/organisations are willing to pay for your skills and what you bring to the table as a person. Remember, just because an organisation is proposing to pay you 10k for your skills, doesn’t mean that you can’t get doubled that amount in another organisation. Some organisations may also try to underpay you, this will allow you to be more objective about the conversation flow and you may learn to stand your ground.

2. It helps you re-evaluate your negotiables and non-negotiables

We are all bound to compromise at some point or the other. This is the perfect opportunity for you to find out on which grounds you are willing to compromise or not. This is what I meant by your negotiables and non-negotiables. It is the perfect time to identify your likes and dislikes as well.

3. It helps you evaluate how people perceive your career path through a recruiter’s point of view

One is really lucky if they had a straight and what seems like a logical career path these days due to the current reality of the job market. Not all recruiters truly understand what really matters in an interview setting. You will be better able to entertain the different perspectives.

4. It may remind you of the purpose and vision you’ve set for yourself

We all consciously or unconsciously working towards a purpose or vision. The latter may either be solely related to how your job can contribute to your desired living standard, or be related to a bigger purpose involving other people/society. We sometimes lose sight of our purpose/vision when we are on survival mode or just stuck in a rat race.

5. It may expand your worldview

When was the last time you learned something new? A new way of thinking/perspective? A new way of evaluating your competences or having your competences put to test? When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone to see what else is out there?

6. When you aren’t attached to the end goal of needing the job, you can be more relaxed and be yourself.

You’ve got nothing to lose at this point. Might as well make the most of this situation. Many times, recruiters are in a position of power because it seems that we need them more than they need is (which is not actually true). In this situation, you may feel more confident and speak your truth more easily.

7. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

You can be rejected from a job you didn’t really want? You get an offer from a job what actually turned out to be more attractive than your current job? You got to be yourself in a situation where a lot of people sugarcoat? You invested half a day for self-awareness and new perspective? You met new people – other interviewees, staffs, interviewers? Opened your eyes to new possibilities? I’m sure you can think of other things that may happen as well.

What else would you add the the list? Please share with it with us in the comments below.

State of Awe

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Eyes full of stars, mouth slightly open, all my attention fixed on one thing at a time, almost a little in disbelief but also mixed with wonder…

I missed this feeling.

I realised that I was constantly chasing this feeling and I am usually kicked into the state of awe when I’m travelling to new places. I love this state of heightened awareness and wonder. With the pandemic, lockdown and travel restrictions, I was having less and less of this feeling running through my system.

However, I found another way of achieving it. This year, I’ve done a lot of healing on my inner child in therapy and recently, it has come to my awareness that I started to feel awe on even more aspects of my life. I have become less numb. It’s a wonderful feeling. I would describe it as an innocent way of making love to life. I have less expectations on life, I am surrendering, I am more grateful, I am more grounded and I am moving one step at a time through life. For the first time in a long time, my only goal is to enjoy life every step of the way. I will not only feel pleasure and joy at my destination. I feel pleasure and joy throughout my journey. I think that’s how children walk through life. How wonderful is that?

When last did you experience a state of awe?

Dulled Down

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve been doing a lot of work on my inner child this year and I am rediscovering the being that I was before all the judgements and conditionings kicked in.

I went from this super outgoing child who loved to dress up, wasn’t scared of showing off my disco pants, awesome hair accessories, flashy or backless tops, and always loved dancing to this adult who would wear dull colours and more conservative and boring clothes to camouflage myself through the crowds. “My personality is already big enough, I don’t need to stand out more”, I kept telling myself.

How did this happen? When did I start feeling that my “flashy/flamboyant self” would attract the wrong kinds of attention and made me feel so unsafe?

I did not realise that dulling down the way I dress and standing out less were actually coping mechanisms that I adopted to keep myself safe. Especially since I never felt like I had an army, so to speak, to protect me. I don’t feel safe to be a woman walking on the surface of this earth. I know for a fact that being prone to assault and theft isn’t always based on how we are dressing, but I sure as hell will make me a less likely target.

I know this side of my personality which is all glittery and loud still lives inside of me. Hell, it’s probably my truest, most authentic self. After which I will hibernate to recharge though. I’m an ambivert after all (laugh). [Side note: It’s probably why I love Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, and everyone who aren’t afraid to be super flamboyant and stand out from the crowd!]

How would it be like for me to get back to my flamboyant and super outgoing self? This part of me who is free from all conditionings, fear and judgements?

Do you have a part of you who you are hiding too? I am curious to know who this person is and how different it is to your current self.

The Popular Misfit

Tags

, , , , , ,

You know those person who always seem to be popular without even trying, but always complain that they felt really misunderstood and felt like they didn’t belong anywhere? I am one of them.

I’ve been trying to find a sense of belonging everywhere I was, because deep down I felt really lonely. I’ve always struggled to get along with people my age because I was constantly feeling older in my head. But then, I was around older people a lot and felt extremely misunderstood and judged for being too young to speak about certain topics.

I’ve been popular since a very young age. My pre-primary school headmistress still remembers me by name. I stood out from the crowd without even trying. It was a natural state for me since I was very little.

How could a popular person be a misfit?

I, without any pretention, stood out from the crowd without even trying. I’ve been tagged as being radical, “too much of a woman”, too intense, a weirdo, too sensitive, too deep, etc. Words that I would have never tagged myself as. I was always popular. People knew me even when I didn’t know them. But I never felt a strong sense of belonging anywhere. I was always the misfit who still managed to look like I had my life figured out and made it to the top. Guess what? I don’t have life figured out and any achievement was through some serious hard work and sacrifices.

A part of me really longs for that deep sense of community. But for now, I am content that I am able to bring light everywhere I go, even if it’s just for a tiny moment.

Don’t underestimate the information sharing among peers

Tags

, , , , , , ,

We hear about peer pressure a lot, but what about peer learning?

Peer learning is a huge part of our learning journey, whether or not we actually acknowledge it.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a lot of random knowledge about many different fields. Thanks to my diverse group of friends.

Of course, we risk receiving faulty or skewed information. But this is where critical thinking becomes an essential skill to develop. We always have the choice to try and cross-check the information shared with us. In the age of the internet, it should become part of our routine to fact-check. We are one click away from a pool of information.

I’ve worked in the social sector for years as well and, peer learning/peer education and peer-to-peer counselling/coaching have demonstrated their effectiveness with incredible sustainable results when it comes to changed behaviour.

No man is an island. To think we should figure everything out on our own is not only foolish, but it’s also as effective. It’s about time that we abolish the idea that we don’t need our surroundings to thrive. That’s why it’s also important to choose our surroundings well.

I will give a practical example of what happened to me this morning. I reached out to my friends on social media to ask for a recommendation for a gynecologist. Not only did I receive several contact details, we also shared our experiences and even warnings regarding some practitioners.

Peer-to-peer learning and information sharing should never be overlooked. I strongly believe it can change lives.

Individuality and Oneness

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I had the chance to embark on my spirituality journey fairly young and it’s been a crazy ride ever since.

I went from feeling like a weirdo, to being an even bigger weirdo and misfit.

The way I would perceive the world would not be like most people my age ever would.

I’ve been unconsciously looking for my soul tribe (people who perceived a similar reality), but it hasn’t been the easiest task.

Every time I would acquire a new skill or tool as I deepened my understanding of the energy world, the less the way the world is currently designed actually made sense.

It’s certain that we are still experiencing duality; we are both separate and one.

But by the end of the day, I know that we are one. I know that we all come from a single source.

Your hurt is my hurt.

Your success is my success.

UBUNTU – I am because you are.

We are in it together.

Rising in love with the process

Tags

, , , , , , ,

We’ve all heard of the term “falling in love”, but I’ve growth to love and appropriate the term “rising in love” more. It makes more sense to me and it makes me feel more expansive.

I had a destination addiction. I thought that when I’ll reach my goals, I’ll finally be happy. Need I say that it didn’t go as planned? Some goals were no longer relevant, some timings didn’t fall through, some goals were achieved but happiness didn’t follow, things I thought would be pleasurable were not, my level of exposure was way too narrow during the time I met those goals, to name a few.

Hitting rock bottom has been my biggest learning curve. I realised that I wasn’t really living in the present moment because I was so fixated about the future and something I didn’t have in the present moment. Without realising, I was focusing on everything I didn’t have as opposed to focusing on everything I already have. It took me a while to realised that the one thing I truly had was the present moment. What am I doing in the here and now to make my life pleasurable and inspire of everything I ever wanted to achieve.

This led me to learn to embrace the process and to learn to enjoy smaller achievements, and truly embrace every step of the way. I am still leaning to rise in love with the process. I think learning never truly ends. So I am allowing myself the chance to embrace the process through and through, and to love it every step of the way.

I have a secret…

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I have a secret. Or at least, it feels like it is. But it’s actually not. Well, that secret is that I go for therapy. SHOCKER! There, I said it.

Well, I never thought it was something to be kept a secret. I never kept it a secret. I just don’t necessarily scream about it on top of my roof. But somehow, with every conversation I have about people not having a safe space to fully express themselves and not having a space for healing, I understood that I needed to normalise going for therapy.

Going for therapy is very normal and natural to me. However, I recognise that it’s not the case for most people. I understand that I am often tagged as being “different”. I’ve had my own history with depression and anxiety from a young age, I studied psychology and energy healing, I am an empath/Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and I’ve learned throughout the years to embrace and be the observer of all the emotions that I experience in my body. So, I guess I have a more open approach to talking about mental health and embracing therapy.

I actually almost gave up on the idea of finding the right therapist for me. Many people don’t know how important it is to find a therapist which whom you have a good working relationship with. I’m a very exposed person to the different kinds of counselling modalities out there even though I am no expert, so I can be quite a stubborn patient/client sometimes. It took me years to find the right match for me and to find someone who can actually lead me. I have a very strong personality, so sometimes some people don’t know how to manage me or deal with my imposing presence. I also find it hard to trust people, especially since I, unfortunately, witnessed some seriously effed-up therapists who couldn’t even respect the basic ethical guidelines to remain in confidentiality, for example. I even had a past therapist sending me a friend request on social media – which doesn’t against any ethical practice.

Going for therapy doesn’t make you weak. I’m not saying this because I, myself, go for therapy. It actually takes a lot of courage and energy to go through our healing journey. It takes actual and conscious effort to constantly redirect our energy that is usually being consumed by our dis-ease (whatever it may be) into our healing and rewiring of our neurons in order to create new and healthier patterns.

Going for therapy is WORTH IT! Don’t let anyone else fool you.

Additional resources on how to pick the right therapist for you:

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-choose-the-right-therapist-for-you-4842306

https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/a-beginners-guide-to-finding-the-right-therapist.html

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-find-a-therapist#national-organizations

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips-for-finding-the-right-therapist#1

https://www.apa.org/topics/psychotherapy/choose-therapist

Feel free to share with us your own tips and experience in choosing the right therapist for you 🙂

Unseen. Unheard. Unloved.

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I felt unseen,

So I started to see and show up for myself more.

I felt unheard,

So I started to hear myself more.

I felt unloved,

So I started to love myself more.

Soon, I started to value myself more,

Have better boundaries,

Felt more abundant,

Put myself first,

And honour my own needs like never before.

Soon, I started recognising more people who didn’t value the real me,

Who overstepped my boundaries often,

Who made me feel small and constricted,

Who were used to having me put myself last,

And who didn’t honour my needs and who were feeding on my energy.

I was a people pleaser, unknowingly.

Seeing, hearing and loving myself allowed me to see the world through a renewed perspective.

I slowly made myself available to myself first.

I slowly stepped deeper into my power.

I stood tall,

I expanded.

I took up space and was deeply rooted into my own truth.

I have never felt more worthy.

I AM WORTHY.

Meeting my inner-child

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I have met therapists/healers of all kinds on and off my whole life. My life challenges even brought me to having a degree in psychology. I’ve always been intrigued by human behaviour and have experienced a lot of challenges of my own. Up until the beginning of this year, no one has been able to guide me into healing my inner child. To the point that I genuinely thought that I didn’t have any issue during my childhood. But truth is, we all do. Big or small, we all have some kind of trauma in all periods of our lives. These events can both break us and make us.

During my undergraduate in my psychology programme, I was the only one in the entire class who had the reputation of not being able to work with children and I was always honest about it. I love children, but they easily drain out my energy and I struggle to relate to them more. I remember how there was one of my lecturers who kept making fun of me and kept pinpointing me out during any lecture having to do with children (child or developmental psychology). That wasn’t very nice of her, but that says a lot about her own wounds. It’s funny though because I love studying the development of human beings from birth and beyond. Parenting is also one of my favourite areas of study and I often read parenting articles even though I’m far from being ready to be a mother any time soon.

Fast-forward to the beginning of this year, I was actually surprised that my new therapist managed to “crack the code” and opened the door to exploring my inner child. I went deep down into my sub-conscious and found a younger version of myself locked in a dark and deep cave, at the end of a narrow tunnel leading to a dark chamber. It was so hard for me to find her. But when we did meet, we spoke and I held her in my arms. I understood that I have managed to completely suppress/bury my inner-child. It even felt that I tried to kill her. I broke into tears. It was never what I intended to do. But I was happy that we finally met again.

When I explored my inner child again, I was soooo happy and we kept bouncing on clouds ( I know it’s not physically possible – but let me have it. It’s all in my imagination and my sub-conscious was having a field day LOL), giggling and having so much fun. My therapist had a hard time trying to make me move on from that place (laugh). It felt so good, I was trying to make the most of my time in that state.

There was something powerful about healing my inner child and having integrated it as a part of my current self. I have been feeling much more playful and I approached the world with a deeper sense of a beginner’s mind and curiosity. I want to play, learn more things, go on more adventures, find joy in more things, taste new things, feel new things, express new things, and truly be in the present moment. I now embrace my child-like wonder to a whole new level and I embrace my inner-child when she needs me the most. She in turn heals me too. Time is truly a man-made concept. All versions of ourselves have the capacity to co-exist simultaneously on some levels of our conscious, sub-conscious or physical reality.

If you haven’t been able to meet your inner child yet, I would invite you to entertain this possibility. It’s been a life-changing experience for me.